“The Perfect Man” Myth continues:
They also say that their dream husband must be smart, intelligent, funny, romantic, selfless, faithful, and understanding. Their idea of “the Perfect Man” is a man who loves them the way they are, treats them well, does everything that pleases them at all times, never says no to them, never hurts them, and never makes a mistake.
But this idea is wrong.
First, the mental “checklist” of all the qualities they want Mr Perfect to have assumes they know what they want and their needs will not change overtime.
Second, it makes them ignore the other half of a successful relationship – themselves. They are the seekers, yet they divert attention away from themselves. They don’t consider that they need to work on their attitude, change something about themselves or possess the qualities a man wants in a woman. Their disposition is, I’m perfect just the way I am but everyone else needs to adjust. When a relationship fails, they do not consider that the failure might be due to their lack of humility, empathy or understanding. Instead of admitting their wrongs, they invoke a convenient excuse: “when the desirable was not available, the available then becomes desirable, so, we just weren’t right for each other, we were not compatible”.
Finally, they don’t bring God into their plan. They don’t believe in His will in marriage. They refuse to acknowledge that He is the Peerless Matchmaker; He created all men and knows the man that is right for any woman.
It’s good to desire a good husband and to marry the person that is right for you. After all, some people are clearly “wrong” for you. I would not marry a drug addict myself. But when you make a mental checklist of the qualities you want in a man or choose a husband you believe is perfect for you without asking God for His perfect will, then you have carved an idol in your heart, God says He will give you the idol you have in your heart. That means He will give you His permissive instead of His perfect will: Ezekiel 14:3-5:
“Son of man, these men have set up their idols in their heart, and put the stumblingblock of their iniquity before their face: should I be enquired of at all by them? Therefore speak unto them, and say unto them, Thus saith the LORD God; Every man of the house of Israel that setteth up his idols in his heart, and putteth the stumblingblock of his iniquity before his face, and cometh to the prophet; I the LORD will answer him that cometh according to the multitude of his idols; That I may take the house of Israel in their own heart, because they are all estranged from me through their idols.”
Ezekiel 14:3-5 KJV
The idea of the “Perfect Man” is a pure myth. There is no such thing as the “Perfect Man”, but you do have God’s “Perfect Will” or His ideal husband for you. Just depend on Him, and He will lead you to him, you shall not fall into wrong hands in JESUS Name Amen 🙏🏾.
One little secret that women don’t know or choose to ignore about today’s men is that men put on a facade. They are willing to keep up an image and fake who they really are or what they really feel. These lofty attributes women hold as the standards for the man of their dream can be easily faked. It’s easy to act like the perfect man when times are good, but when tough times come, the real man appears. Those attributes he hid so he can attract you come to the fore in hard times.
Please, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying every man that displays your “Perfect Man” attributes is faking it. What I’m just saying is that there is more to this “Perfect Man” label than meets the eye 👁.
There are always expectations in a relationship because it’s part of human nature. But if you set the standards that are unattainable such as perfection, then your love for that person will be misplaced and abused. You can’t expect that things will always go right between you two, and the natural man won’t admit he has done wrong because of his ego. This is why genuine conversion and a repentant heart are so essential. Part of a repentant spirit is acknowledging he has done wrong and if truly sorry he will work not to make the same mistake.
Women don’t need superficially fake “good” men. They need genuinely born-again Christian men who have the distinguishing Biblical qualities of a husband as we will consider in the next column.
“The Male Ideal” Myth.
Like women, men also have some misconceptions about who an ideal husband is. The following are a few of them.
An ideal husband is:
1. Manly:Manhood has long been associated with physical strength, toughness, courage, assertiveness, a focus on material success, dominance and decisiveness, and men assume that these characteristics are what women seek in a potential mate. But they are mistaken.
Women have different expectations now. Masculine traits such as toughness, dominance, focus on material success and other “manly pursuits” are now less desirable to them. Today, they want men who have distinctive personalities like the aforementioned ones.
2. Taciturn. Most men believe women are too chatty, and men should be the opposite. Since opposites attract, they say women are attracted to men who are taciturn or talk less. They call men that are chatty “women”.
Aside from feeling that women like men that are not talkative, they think it is a waste of precious time to chat with a woman when they should be making money. So, if they are not out hustling, they are bringing work home. They don’t communicate with their wives, don’t play with their children and are not fun to be with. They have no idea that communication is an integral part of marriage. Their motto is “ Less talk”, more action”.
These men err!
Women crave for attention. They want a man with whom they can share feelings, have a heart-to-heart chat and even share some jokes. They want a man who is interesting and fun to be with, not one who is indifferent and boring.
Yes, they don’t like men who are talkative; men who lack discretion and give away family secrets because they don’t know when to be quiet. But they do love men who communicate with and give them lots of attention.
3. Secretive. Culturally, we expect married people to be faithful to their partner’s wishes. Anything you do that runs counter to your spouse’s wishes is evidence of disloyalty. But some men think it’s ideal to keep secrets from their wives. They tell themselves that they had to do so in order not to hurt them or damage their relationship. They say, “A secret kept can be better than the consequences of a secret known”. So, they hide things about their past, family,finances, and extramarital affairs.
These men are not truthful to themselves, because they keep secrets for many reasons other than to “protect” their spouses. Keeping secrets allows them to avoid their wives disapproval. They know their wives will disagree with their extramarital affairs, for example, so they may decide to hide it. Besides, they are ashamed their wives may lose faith in them altogether for cheating on them.
Moreover, they hide things because they don’t want their spouses to discover who they really are. They are afraid their true character or identity will violate their wives expectations of them.
Aside from the fact that you are destroying your marriage, you are, in effect, lying when you keep a secret. Whether it is a secret of “commission” (not truthfully answering a direct question) or a secret of “omission”(not offering information that was not asked for), it’s still a lie, and the Bible says, “all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire 🔥 and brimstone: which is the second death.
“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
Revelation 21:8 KJV.
What should you do then?
Start by being honest with yourself about the secrets you’re keeping. Ask yourself why you are hiding something from your partner. If letting the secret out would harm your relationship, you may have to live with the consequence. After all, it is better to harm your relationship than to damn your soul. But you may be surprised to find out that your most feared outcomes of letting the cat out of the bag never materializes.
4. Not Lovesick. I did say in the introduction to this series that some people hold the view that marriage is “50/50 relationship”; that is, each partner must be willing to give their half (50%) in order for their marriage to be successful. Some men seriously believe this fallacy; hence, they don’t give their wives 100% love. They argue that loving a woman is good but doing 100% is dangerous. It will make her misbehave and lose respect for you. “Too much love gives room for undue familiarity, and familiarity breeds contempt,” they say.
You don’t demand respect; you earn it. Respect is not something you force out of people; it is simply the expression of high, special regard or deference for somebody, and no wife will truly revere a man who doesn’t meet her emotional, physical, and spiritual needs; a man who loves her less.
The Bible commands all men to love ❤️ their spouses unconditionally, just as Christ loves the Church:
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be Holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the LORD the church: For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
Ephesians 5:25-33 KJV
“Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”
Colossians 3:19 KJV.
Christ gave Himself for the Church—He laid down His Life for it. That is 100% love because He says Himself: “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
John 15:13 KJV
Your wife is your best friend. When you love her genuinely, proactively, selflessly and unconditionally, every other thing in your marriage will fall into place.
To Be Continued…
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: ..”
Proverbs 23:7 KJV
Think right. The way you think determines who you are and what you will become.
What do you think about: problems or solutions; difficulties or possibilities; failures or successes; defeats or victories?
Do you always consider the “God -Factor” in your life; that God is sufficient for you? He is the God of success, your reliable Partner. There is a connection between what you believe, what you confess and what you possess. If your belief is negative, your confession will be negative as well. Begin thinking a right. Think like a success, a victor, a conqueror, an achiever and your future will change positively in JESUS Mighty Name Amen 🙏🏾.
Rapture is Imminent
Mrs Angelinah Olubunmi Peters
My LORD JESUS Is Alive In me