MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE FUN:
Today, more and more couples go through the routine of marriage without really enjoying the experience.
Their relationship has gone stale, there is no longer spark or fun in it. Though it may not necessarily be in trouble, one partner or both partners just are not experiencing the joy in marriage they once had.
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, knew the value of fun in marriage. He counsels the husband in Ecclesiastes 9:9: “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which He hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.”
Ecclesiastes 9:9 KJV.
Couples need to make time to enjoy each other, and the man must spearhead this. God declares that you can enjoy life with your wife, even through the pain and challenges of life. He did not give you your wife to be the grind but to be a companion through the grind.
Research has shown that people are happier when they have fun in their lives and married couples are no exceptions. The most happily married couples are happy because they have a lot of fun together.
How much fun do you have in your marriage? What does it take to put or keep the fun in your marriage?
How do you keep the spark alive?
Though every day may not be a romantic time, you can keep enjoying life together even through the good and more difficult times of life.
The euphoria of finding a wife and getting married usually wanes with time. Initially, you experience this warm fuzzy feeling (you know that butterfly feeling in your stomach) that makes you hurry home after work to be with her, buy her a surprise gift and go all out or go out of your way to make her happy and comfortable. You are excited to do the housework together, wash the dishes, do the laundry, clean the home and cook dinner for both of you if you got home before her without being asked or without having any qualms. You love to dine together, chat and go shopping with her, and even fix vacation for the same period ( if she’s a working or career woman) so that you can have time to hang out together, visit relations and family friends together, and even embark on another honeymoon. If you are a Christian couple, you are patient with her to be ready and go to church together, have a family retreat and all-night prayers together, and chat together every time on the phone and via social media when you are not together physically. At this stage in your marriage, you are grateful for the companionship, excited and contented at the same time, and you feel that you can face any situation life throws at you with her by your side. You are a happily married man.
But then children start arriving and need to be catered for. You also need to excel in your career and remain committed to the LORD, amongst other things, that you become so busy to even have devotion with your family in the morning, let alone have time to chat with your wife on the phone or social media. Though you have a picture frame of her on your office desk, the demand of your job makes you forget it’s even there. Instead of spending quality time with her, you are caught up in the rat race. That strong, excited feeling to be with her disappears gradually, just as the surprise gifts, flowers, and love notes you used to give to her. Boredom sets in. Now, you treat your marriage as if it is a “finished product” rather than “work in progress “; for in marriage, you never stop learning and adjusting. Gradually, you have become the busy man with a bored wife.
A study done some years ago reveals that:
Women are more likely to become bored in a marriage than men … 88 couples— including one who had been married for 36 years— were asked about their relationship. The answers included nearly 70 varying descriptions of boredom. A second group of people were then given a list of these descriptions and asked which ones they identified in their own relationships. A relationship being ’dull’ was the most commonly picked answer, with lack of fun, lack of conversation and lack of romance also scoring highly. ‘ The relationship feels like a chore’ was also a popular pick. Some complained that the ‘butterflies’ they had once felt in their stomach had vanished, while others felt they were in their partner’s shadow”. Boredom, as this study shows, is a major feature in many marriages today. But sadly, many partners, especially the husbands, neither recognised nor do anything about it. Some recognize it but don’t consider it a problem until the marriage is on the rock. Many men may admit that their failing or failed marriage is due to unresolved conflicts, unforgiveness, selfishness, financial problem, and even maltreatment of their wives— what they euphemistically refer to as “irreconcilable differences” — but will never mention boredom as a possible course.
Many women have walked out of their marriage because they were bored. Their husbands no longer gave them attention because they were married to their work. If they were not rushing out early in the morning to meet up with a business appointment or spending late hours at work, they were bringing work home when they should be attending to their family.
Take counsel men! If you are at work, be at work (but remember to have phone conversations with your wife during your free hours), and if you are at home be at home with your family. Leave your work in the office or stay late if you have a deadline to meet, but make sure your wife is aware of your coming home late and don’t make such practice a daily habit. And when you are at home, pay attention to your wife. Spend quality time and have fun with her.
There was this story of a director in a Federal establishment who excused himself from a meeting with a Federal Minister to answer a phone call from his wife. While the Minister, on a visit to his office, was addressing him and his staff, his cell phone suddenly rang. Recognising the ringtone as his wife’s ( he uses a unique ringtone for his wife), he signalled to the august visitor that he had a phone call, and went aside to take the call. The Minister, his entourage and the staff of the company were all taken aback. When he got back to the meeting, the Minister asked him who the caller was. He replied, “The Minister of Home Affairs” That was my wife sir” The Minister and everybody in the room laughed uncontrollably.
Though this man’s action seems like disrespect to the Minister, it shows that he held his wife in high regard and cherished open communication with her. While I don’t encourage such attitude (Please, don’t leave a serving minister on official duty in the middle of a conversation to take a phone call from your wife), for the Word of God says we should: “Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour.”
Romans 13:7 KJV. I advise you keep an open communication with your spouse, no matter how busy you are.
Drive doldrum or boredom away from your marriage, and make it fun again. Complacency and boredom in marriage can make you or your wife vulnerable to temptations. They can also result in depression, loneliness or disinterest in your spouse, which eventually creates a distance between you two. One sign of boredom is that your wife becomes disconnected or distance from you. She might not be separated from you or move out because of the children or because of what the Bible says about separation and divorce, but the truth is that she’s disillusioned with the relationship; she’s tired of the marriage, sad, bored and lost her affection for you.
To be continued…
Happy New Month.
Be prayerful. Commit your ways unto the LORD on daily basis.
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; And lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct thy paths.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV
Rapture is Imminent.
Mrs Angelinah Olubunmi Peters
My LORD JESUS Is Alive In me