Cultural And Societal Myths:
The society and family are inseparable; one gives birth to the other. Therefore, to a large extent, the norms in a particular society affects the organisation and running of the home. What exactly are some of the wrong ideas the society has about the husband? Here they are.
1. Polygamous: Polygamy, the practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time, is encouraged in many cultures and societies, especially those in Africa. Polygamous cultures believe it is a man’s “right” (though this right is neither entrenched in the constitution nor legally recognised) to have many wives. The practice gives men power and authority over women, and they use this power to dominate and control them.
Polygamy is anathema to modern legal and moral standards between spouses and heightens competition among offspring. It is also a gross violation of the sacredness of marriage and the law of God. The LORD JESUS CHRIST condemns the practice: “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.”
Mark 10:6-8 KJV
“Twain” here means two, not three or four partners.
2. Solely A Provider: Some societies believe the man has only one role, and this solitary role is to provide for the family, nothing else. To fulfil that obligation, therefore, he must devote all his time and energy, and must go all out to make money. All his focus must be on material success. If he does anything other than hustling, like helping his wife with domestic chores and taking care of the children, he is termed weak or a “woman”. The demand and pressure from the society make some men to live apart from their family or outrightly abandon them. Some leave their family in the village and move to the City 🌃 or travel 🧳 abroad in search of greener pastures, while their wives struggle to meet the needs of the children.
While one of his roles is to be the breadwinner—work to provide economic and financial support for the family— the man shouldn’t be the sole provider of the family income. Yes, it is his duty to cater for the material needs of the family (1 Timothy 5:8: “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
1 Timothy 5:8 KJV), but the wife should support him in any way she can, for the Bible admonishes her to do so (Proverbs 31:10-31:
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”
Proverbs 31:10-31 KJV).
In the same vein, the man should support his wife in managing the home and attaining her goals, as well as give his family the love, care and attention they need, instead of just focusing on material success. He is not solely the economic provider; he is primarily the head of the family. And as the head, he is to show loving leadership over his wife and children; take oversight of all matters in the home, both physical and spiritual; and give spiritual leadership in family devotion and prayers. The wife is the manager of the home, but the husband is the manager of the wife (Ephesians 5:23: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.”
Ephesians 5:23 KJV)
3. Bonded To Relatives As To Immediate Family: Some societies, especially those in Africa, feel the man should be physically and emotionally attached to his relatives the same way he is to his wife and children. No wonder in many African homes, you find a couple living with the man’s (or on a rare occasion, the woman’s) parents and/ or sibling(s) in what they call the “family house”— a house built by the man’s (or woman’s) parent(s)or sibling(s). Even when they live in their own rented apartment or have their own private property, the man’s (or woman’s) parent(s) or sibling(s) still stay with them. Not only that, the man (or woman) is tied to the parent(s)’s apron strings and gives them so much attention, affection as well as financial and economic support, to the neglect of his immediate family.
The Word of God commands the man to leave his parents (and siblings) and cleave to his wife when he is married (Genesis 2:18,21-24: “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Genesis 2:18, 21-24 KJV). At that point, he is no longer that young teenage boy who lived under the parents’ roof and they ordered around to do things for them. He is now an adult who is starting a new life altogether. This is called “Leaving and cleaving”, and is the first step in building a successful marriage and family life.
Leaving and cleaving doesn’t mean the man will drop his affections for his parents, guardians or relations; be remiss in his obedience, honour, respect, and esteem for them; or neglect to care for them when they need his support or assistance. But he must leave them to go be with his wife for the rest of his life.
Leaving and cleaving is both physical and emotional. You will not only leave your parents, guardian’s or relatives’ physical home 🏡 or custody and live elsewhere with your spouse, but also transfer your emotional attachment from them to your new partner.
One reason why marriages crumble almost immediately they are contracted is the failure of a spouse to leave his former home and family, and start new ones with their newfound heartthrob.
While some men and women remain attached to their parents even after marriage, some remain bonded with their friends or pastors. This is wrong! After marriage, God expects partners to transfer their intimacy from their parents, relatives or friends to their spouses. He wants the couple to have a kind of bond they don’t have with any other person or group.
Husbands should follow Isaac’s example (Genesis 24:63-67: “And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming. And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel. For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a veil, and covered herself. And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done. And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.”
Genesis 24:63-67 KJV).
They should leave their parents or relatives home and custody, and cleave to their wives with a cordial affection, taking care of them, nourishing and cherishing them, providing all things comfortable for them, continuing to live with them, and not depart from them as long as they live, in a phrase, they should be “glued to their wives”.
4. A Playboy. Finally, some other societies believe a man can walk in and out of marriage as he pleases. When everything is rosy, he can stay; but when the marriage goes south, he should drive the wife away or bolt. According to them, only a foolish man stays in a marriage that is “doomed”. In these societies, divorce and remarriage are common phenomena. Men are not keen on making efforts to repair their damaged relationship; they are only interested in moving on.
Marriage is sacred and permanent. It is not something you walk in and out of whenever you want, as if you are moving in and out of an apartment. It is a lifelong relationship which is terminated only by the death of a partner.
Therefore, to have a blissful and successful marriage, you must fulfill your marital vow to your spouse. You must understand the sacredness of this vow: you didn’t just make it to your spouse but to The Almighty God, because you were in His presence when you took it. The Bible warns, “When thou shalt vow a vow unto the Lord thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the Lord thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee.
That which is gone out of thy lips thou shalt keep and perform; even a freewill offering, according as thou hast vowed unto the Lord thy God, which thou hast promised with thy mouth.”
Deuteronomy 23:21, 23 KJV.
You must learn to be mentally strong, knowing that all marriages have their challenges. You must persevere in your relationship, whatever the situation, and do all within your power to make it work, for God hates divorce: “For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of Hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.”
Malachi 2:16 KJV
“And He saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.”
Mark 10:11 KJV.
Our Portion: “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”
Genesis 1:28 KJV
Stayed Tuned till May 2020 if our LORD JESUS tarries in His coming.
Be Ready. Be Prepared. Rapture is Imminent.
Mrs Angelinah Olubunmi Peters
My LORD JESUS Is Alive In me