Causes of Boredom in Marriage:
Aside from overwork or busyness, the following are other causes of marital monotony or boredom in Marriage:
1. Intellectual Incompatibility: it doesn’t matter how nice or good looking your wife is; if the two of you are not on the same page or don’t connect intellectually, your marriage may become boring or a routine. Why? You cannot engage her in some intellectual discussions, especially the ones involving critical thinking and/or analysis. Studies have shown that intellectual compatibility in marriage is a huge indicator of happiness and long-term success in the relationship. Sometimes, a partner develops a complex, whether inferiority or superiority complex, just because their partner is intellectually incompatible with them. You need tolerance, humility, and understanding to live with a spouse who has a complex.
2. Lack of mutual concerns or interests. Mutual concern or interest simply means common or shared interest. Some people, especially so-called marriage experts, say mutual interests shouldn’t be a consideration in marriage. According to them, the idea of mutual interest is overrated. They say not having “common interests” is a less challenging problem in marriage, as it feels like you are married to yourself. There’s strength in diversity, they argue.
But the Holy Scripture disagrees. For one, it warns unequivocally that Christians should not intermarry with non-Christians: “neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.”
Deuteronomy 7:3 KJV
We also read in 2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” A Christian cannot enter into any form of close alliance with an unbeliever, let alone a Christian husband marrying and bonding with an unbelieving wife; God forbids it!
There is a problem of different core beliefs here. Aside from marrying an unbelieving wife, bonding with a wife who has different religious beliefs to yours could result in boredom in your marriage. You attend different churches where they teach different doctrines, for instance. You believe in holiness, but she believes no one can live a Holy life. You may even attend the same local church but interprets religious teachings differently.
Core beliefs may cause particular difficulty when it comes to deciding how to raise children.
Having different core or religious beliefs may not even be the issue. It may just be that you don’t share a common interest in other areas like you like to have children but she doesn’t want to bear children. How do you reconcile that? How do you live with that? What could you possibly talk about?
Mind you, we are not talking about having differences of opinion here. We are talking about not having common concerns or interests. Mutual interests enable you two to connect in a special way. If there are no mutual interests, what would your personal time together look like? The Holy Bible says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
Amos 3:3 KJV
3. Absence of humour: In the words of Agnes Repplier, “We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh.” Laughter makes you relax; it lessens stress and expunges uprightness. It lifts your spirit, brings you two together and keeps your marriage fresh.
4. Social Isolation. This is the absence of any social relationship. It is unhealthy for married couples and even individuals to isolate themselves from others. You may have a personal reason for avoiding, not getting closer or attached to people. But if you isolate yourself from your wife because of your background, social shyness or something you think she might see as a stigma in your life and will push her away, then that’s a serious issue. As we have learnt, women don’t like isolation. They want attention, lots of attention from their husbands.
5. Lack of physical Intimacy. Physical intimacy is very important in marriage not just because it’s the divinely approved way of procreation, but it’s one of the most potent and beautiful ways of expressing love and affection. A relationship that lacks it often falls apart as it fails to satiate the carnal desires of the partners.
However, there are many things that make this intimacy missing in marriage. Stress is one of them. Stress at work or home can leave anyone feeling exhausted, making them want to sleep or relax in any other way rather than make love to their spouse. Research has even shown that there’s a link between stress and decreased sex drive. But some women don’t believe stress can impact a man’s sexual desire. They have a wrong notion that men are always in the mood for sex. So, they become unhappy and grow cold towards their husbands.
Rejecting your wife’s advances in the past, probably because you were less than enthused or “not in the mood” when she tried to make love to you can also make her disconnect from you. Moreover, she may be feeling resentful. Unresolved issues in your relationship can make her pull away and withdraw affectionately and emotionally.
Finally, the lack of physical intimacy in your marriage may be due to lack of emotional intimacy. When you are disconnected from your wife emotionally— you don’t share her emotions, including her hurts, pains, fears, and insecurities—it will be hard for her to be sexually active.
What do you do?
First, stop rejecting her advances. If you are constantly denying her sex because you are stressed or you do not feel like making love, then don’t. The Word of God cautions against denying your spouse sex when they want it, except it’s by mutual consent and understanding: “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
1 Corinthians 7:4-5 KJV.
Reduce your stress, and except you are observing a spiritual programme such as fasting and praying, in which case you have her consent and understanding, be “in the mood”. Also, talk openly about your relationship, resolve any issue stifling your intimacy, and more importantly, spend quality time with her, do the house chores and cooking together so that you can build emotional intimacy and ultimately bring back physical intimacy.
6. Lack of Communication. This can also make your wife to be disconnected.
Happy New Month.
“looking unto JESUS the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Hebrews 12:2 KJV
JESUS is coming back soon.
Be prepared. Be Rapture Ready.
JESUS LOVES YOU
Mrs Angelinah Olubunmi Peters
My LORD JESUS Is Alive In me