GOD’S EXPECTATIONS OF A HUSBAND:
Although God made man the crown of His creation, He Considered it “Not good that the man should be alone” but that he should have a close companion – a helpmate. Hence, He made the woman from the man’s rib and brought her to him, thus instituting the marriage union, symbolically making the man and his wife one flesh. In this mystical union, the spouses are to be united in heart, mind, and purpose.
They are also to live together as long as they are both alive: “Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.”
Romans 7:1-3 KJV.
Divorce, remarriage or even separation should not dissolve the union: “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Matthew 19:6 KJV.
However, just as they have different make-up, outlook and needs, the man and the woman have different roles to play in the marriage relationship. God, in His divine wisdom, has assigned individual responsibilities to each spouse, which are clearly spelt out in the Scriptures:
For instance, He has a set of instructions for the couple, which are the cornerstone for success in any marriage. The husband and the wife must each obey these instructions if their marriage is to grow, blossom and be blissful as God intends it to be.
Today’s discussion zeros in on the roles and responsibilities of the husband.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the LORD. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the Saviour of the body.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the LORD the church: For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”
Ephesians 5:22-23, 28-31 KJV.
The family is a microcosm of the larger society since every society is comprised of different families, and the progress of any society, without doubt, depends largely on the effectiveness of the leadership in place. The family is not an exception. The quality of leadership operating in the family determines the kind of home that you will have.
The husband is the head, the leader of the family: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
Ephesians 5:23-24 KJV.
The primary role of the man in the family, therefore, is to show loving leadership over his wife and children.
“Head” does not mean male dominance, where a man lords it over a woman and demands her total obedience to his every wish and command. God never viewed women as second-class citizens. His Word clearly states that we are all equally His children, and are of equal value and worth before Him. As both the spiritual and physical leader of his home, the husband must provide guidance and direction for the family in both spiritual and secular matters. To do this effectively, he must have foresight. Every great leader must have foresight. As a husband, you must be a man of vision, because it is as far as you see that you can go. In reality, you are the general in the family army, as well as the pastor, prophet, and priest in the home. The implication is that you should endeavour to receive from God all that your family needs for physical, emotional, and spiritual nourishment.
As the family priest, you are to ensure that your wife and children maintain a living relationship with God. Like Isaac, you must entreat God for your wife’s challenges and needs as well as that of the entire members of your family:
“And Isaac entreated the LORD for his wife, because she was barren: and the LORD was entreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.”
Genesis 25:21 KJV.
God expects you to lead your family in His way, and eventually to His abode – Heaven. You must also shepherd your home well as the pastor. Teach your wife and children the Word of God and how to live and behave in the world. Take a cue from Abraham who would: “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which He hath spoken of him.”
Genesis 18:19 KJV, and Joshua who was determined that he and his family would serve the LORD even if Israel as a nation turned away from Him: “And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”
Joshua 24:15 KJV.
Moreover, you should be a servant leader, not a dictator. As I have said, “headship” does not mean master over the wife as in a master-slave relationship, nor does it mean a relationship like a general to a private in the army. It is more like a partnership where one is the leader, guide or director. You should consult your wife when making important decisions, and be willing to accept her guidance in areas where she has greater expertise and knowledge.
A servant leader is more concerned about the needs of others than his position. The LORD JESUS Christ exhibited this virtue when He washed His disciples feet: “After that He poureth water into a basin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith He was girded.”
John 13:5 KJV.
You should listen and consider your wife’s opinion on family matters and join her to do the housework, division of labour in the home economics. Take for instance, the household chores /cooking that would usually take up to two hours for one person to complete, if done jointly, can be done in one hour. You could both then spend the one hour you have both saved for small talk and relaxation. But on the other hand, if you leave her to do it alone, by the time she finishes, she might be exhausted and the next thing she will like to do is to go to bed and sleep.
We can see the examples of this division of labour and true love in the Holy Scriptures (The Bible). In the Old Testament, Abraham demonstrated it, in the New Testament, our LORD JESUS Christ demonstrated it for us to follow, they are written for our instruction, we will do ourselves a world of good if we follow these instructions. Abraham did and he got his long awaited blessings. God was pleased with the way he conducted his family, he took the lead and participated in the whole process.
“And the LORD appeared unto him in the plains of Mamre: and he sat in the tent door in the heat of the day; And he lift up his eyes and looked, and, lo, three men stood by him: and when he saw them, he ran to meet them from the tent door, and bowed himself toward the ground, And said, My LORD, if now I have found favour in thy sight, pass not away, I pray thee, from thy servant: Let a little water, I pray you, be fetched, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree: And I will fetch a morsel of bread, and comfort ye your hearts; after that ye shall pass on: for therefore are ye come to your servant. And they said, So do, as thou hast said. And Abraham hastened into the tent unto Sarah, and said, Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal, knead it, and make cakes upon the hearth. And Abraham ran unto the herd, and fetched a calf tender and good, and gave it unto a young man; and he hasted to dress it. And he took butter, and milk, and the calf which he had dressed, and set it before them; and he stood by them under the tree, and they did eat. And they said unto him, Where is Sarah thy wife? And he said, Behold, in the tent. And He said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.”
Genesis 18:1-10 KJV
“After these things JESUS shewed Himself again to the disciples at the sea of Tiberias; and on this wise shewed He Himself. There were together Simon Peter, and Thomas called Didymus, and Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, and the sons of Zebedee, and two other of His disciples. Simon Peter saith unto them, I go a fishing. They say unto him, We also go with thee. They went forth, and entered into a ship immediately; and that night they caught nothing. But when the morning was now come, JESUS stood on the shore: but the disciples knew not that it was JESUS. Then JESUS saith unto them, Children, have ye any meat? They answered Him, No. And He said unto them, Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find. They cast therefore, and now they were not able to draw it for the multitude of fishes. Therefore that disciple whom JESUS loved saith unto Peter, It is the LORD. Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the LORD, he girt his fisher’s coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea. And the other disciples came in a little ship; (for they were not far from land, but as it were two hundred cubits,) dragging the net with fishes. As soon then as they were come to land, they saw a fire of coals there, and fish laid thereon, and bread. JESUS saith unto them, Bring of the fish which ye have now caught. Simon Peter went up, and drew the net to land full of great fishes, an hundred and fifty and three: and for all there were so many, yet was not the net broken. JESUS saith unto them, Come and dine. And none of the disciples durst ask Him, Who art thou? knowing that it was the LORD. JESUS then cometh, and taketh bread, and giveth them, and fish likewise.”
John 21:1-13 KJV
Our LORD JESUS CHRIST, The Only Saviour and creator of mankind cooked and served His disciples. Essentially, we can have more enjoyable relationships if we jettison old archaic ways of thinking and put ourselves in our spouses shoes.
Being a servant leader doesn’t diminish your headship or strip you of it, nor does it make you less a man. It doesn’t take anything away from your personality or position.
Finally, as the spiritual leader, you must be prayerful. Your ultimate duty as the head, however, is to provide loving leadership for your home, especially your wife: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it;”
Ephesians 5:25 KJV. Frankly speaking, the whole of the husband’s responsibilities is summed up in this single duty of love your wife. It means the authority of the man over his wife is founded on his love for her, and this love must be strong enough for him to willingly risk his life for her as Christ our LORD gave His for the Church.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be Holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.”
Ephesians 5:25-28 KJV.
“Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”
Colossians 3:19 KJV, teach that the husband is to be considerate and tender, cherishing his wife. Since love must be nourished, there is to be a warm, demonstrative affectionate relationship. The husband has the responsibility of demonstrating his love and concern, and being verbal about it. Men are often not communicative enough, but they need to make sure they are sufficiently demonstrating that love mentally, verbally, and physically.
Your wife is a part of your body – you are a part of each other. Hence, the Holy Spirit speaking through the apostle Paul says, “Love your wife”. He didn’t say, “if you want to, or when you’re happy with her behaviour/ attitude/ character.” It is a command. If you fail or refuse to do this, you are disobeying God. As you love your wife, you love yourself and are fulfilling the role that Gods wanted you to have.
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
1 Peter 3:7 KJV, teaches that the husband is to honour his wife. “Honour” means showing her respect, which involves courtesy, consideration, and emotional support. A husband must not hold his wife up to public ridicule by such things as cutting remarks. She is not perfect and neither are you. So, don’t expect perfection from her. As Ephesians 4:32 says:
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:32 KJV. You should be gentle. Controlling your temper, avoiding physical violence, and restraining a sharp tongue are ways you can exhibit forbearance.
To be continued by God’s Grace.
JESUS Loves You. Surrender your life to Him today.
May the LORD keep you and bless you in JESUS Mighty Name Amen .