God our loving Father
Our help from Ages Past
The God of Earth, Sky and Sea
Whose is the earth’s and its fullness thereof
The God of Day and Night
The God of All Flesh
We have come to ask that you bless the consummation of our Love
May this physical activity bring about the intimacy we desire: may we experience your holy presence even in the midst of sexual activity.
Amen
Reading such a prayer before now to me was a perversion of Christianity and the Godly nature. It feels the same way for a lot of readers even now. However, after years of completely surrendering my life to Christ and total dependence on his guidance for my activities of daily living, I have realized that there is nothing God isn’t interested in; in my life. Some may say that God is interested only in the things of Kingdom Advancement; I consider this a human thought because if God has said to me (psalm 2:7) “ thou art my son” then of course he is interested in more than kingdom advancement but in means an individual and the decisions I make daily. No wonder the psalmist says “ who is man that you are mindful of him or the son of man that you care for him” (psalm 8:4). God orders the steps of the righteous (psalm 37:23) he determines whether they find hate or love (eccl9:1). The question then is: “How do we feel when people say prayer before sexual activity”? Do we also feel the same way when we hear people say prayers before their meals? What exactly is the difference between these two prayers? Why does the former trigger our moral Police or in popular millennial parlance: sound weird?
The answer is in the beginning, the history of man and the purpose of sexual intercourse. Let us continue on this ride and we shall in due season arrive at the very beginning. 1thess4:3-5 “ for this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication. That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not with the lust of concupiscence even as the gentiles which know not God”. The Good news Bible says “each of you should know how to live with his wife in a holy and honourable way, not with lustful desires like the heathen who do not know God”. This passage explains a number of concepts we might find abnormal in our African society. Firstly, it is possible for lust to exist within marriage and secondly, it is possible and biblically wrong for a spouse to rape his/her partner. The sin of concupiscence here refers to the use of what God has given in a lustful manner and a typical example is greed. There is no gainsaying that sexual intercourse is a God’s gift and is meant to be enjoyed by man. However, as people that possess the spirit of God, we need to exercise the fruit of self control (Gal 5:23) rather than give in to our every desire (phil3:19). The sin of concupiscence is therefore simply perversion.
In order to understand what it means to pervert sexual intercourse, we must first understand what its acceptable limits are and in order to understand this, we must understand why sex was given to man as a gift. It is God’s will that we be completely free from sexual immorality (1thess4:3) that is why Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians chapter seven says that it is better to be married than to continue to burn with passion. It is however worthy of note that marriage is not a cure to sexual immorality and sexual immorality can occur in marriage. To the previous statement; some may say that any other sexual position apart from the missionary style is sexual immorality. So I have a question to ask them; how would you feel if God who had given us all these food on earth says “you can only eat porridge beans”. Well, we probably wouldn’t know what rice or yam tastes like until someone discovers that we can actually make basmati rice or Mac and cheese then we would become so sad and start to question God.
Sexual intercourse has two purposes which are in fact, one and the same:
Firstly and most importantly for intimacy between spouses which is a holy activity
Secondly and equally as important, it’s for procreation which is also holy (this article focuses on the first reason)
In performing the act, we experience Pleasure. This is more like the sweet taste of a hundred chocolate bars in our mouths which make us say “hmm this is good”. This however does not change the purpose of eating; which is nutrition. We realize then that people whose god is their belly and taste buds eventually eat more and probably become obese, finally dying of complications of obesity. CONCUPESCENCE. All the ways of man are clean in his own eyes; but the Lord weigheth the spirits (Prov 16:2). When we do things for the wrong reasons , only to satisfy our immediate hunger for pleasure, we are not different from other creatures of God. For this reason, Romans 12:2 tells us to be transformed by a renewal of the mind.
In the beginning, God created man and woman. He looked at them and saw that they were good and then he commanded that they become one flesh (Gen2:24). He created them to be Holy beings just as He, the Father in heaven is Holy (Exo19:6). This instruction of one flesh was that through sexual intercourse they would be one, perfectly fitted like a glove and a surgeon’s hand. And they were not ashamed (Gen 2:25). Sexual intercourse was given as a means of deeper knowledge of one’s spouse beyond verbal communication. It was given as a consummation of all types of communication between spouses and as evidence that the process make them one, the Lord uses it as a means of procreation. Therefore every bible verse that talks about procreation says; “ and the man knew his wife” after which follows “and she begat”. Making it clear the design of intimacy that God has for us. 1cor 7:4 the wife has not power over her own body, but the husband likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body but the wife. This is because the two have become one flesh and have given their bodies, selflessly to their spouses. The passage goes further to say 1cor7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again that satan tempt you not for your incontinency. When couples defraud each other of sexual intercourse, they stop communicating, they stop the highest form of intimate physical exercise, they are therefore starved and if this is not done for spiritual reasons, they become at the mercy of their desires and can be easily tempted.
From our biblical texts, it is quite obvious that our father created this exercise for intimacy. An ntimacy that involves; oneness, trust and total surrender. Therefore having this exercise out of a desire for pleasure would only bring ruin to us, as we can never be satisfied. Much like gluttony eventually ruins an individual. The only acceptable limit of sexual intercourse is therefore Holy Sex. Sex can only be holy if the participants are holy. We achieve this Holiness by offering our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God which is our reasonable service. For we can only achieve the perfect will of God if we allow our minds to be renewed by the Holy Spirit, not by conforming to the foolish ideas of this world (Rom12;1-3). When this happens, we realize that we are able to live and walk in the Spirit(Gal5:25). We realize that every good and perfect gift comes from God (James 1:17) and so we see the hand of God and acknowledge his purpose in our sexual lives (Rom1:25). We do not subscribe to the perversion of God’s perfect gift of sexual intercourse.
When we have let ourselves be spiritually minded about everything of life (Rom8:6) we then would give thanks in everything (1 Thess5:18) especially before enjoying God’s perfect gifts to man. Sex is Holy not because of how it is done but because of why it is done. When we cannot give thanks to God for a great sex, it is unholy (Rom14:23).
By Dr. Charles Ajayi
