Showing You Understand Her: After making the huge discoveries about her, you will need to accept who she is and work on and with her to bring out the best in her. You see, the frightening truth is, she is your wife even if she’s the devil, and you can’t do anything about that. You can’t divorce her to marry another woman. The Bible says God hates divorce, and if you divorce your wife and marry another woman, you have committed adultery and made the other woman an adulterer. But you can do something to improve your wife; you can do something to change her. Or, you can have a better knowledge of her and get along with her very well.
1. Accept Her: The average woman hardly feels fully assured of her beauty, attractiveness and acceptability, not even when commented and appreciated by other women or other men, except these come from her husband. This is something that must be done consciously and deliberately. Do you love and accept your wife for who she is? There is no one else like her. No one else has got her abilities, talents, style and personalities. They are peculiar to her. No one else can do what she does exactly the way she does it. Your wife craves your acceptance, no matter her looks and features. Be tender and respond graciously to her failures. She needs to know that you love her even if you are saddened by her flaws. In spite of her weaknesses, shortcomings and failings, accept and appreciate her gracefully the way she is. A loving husband sees his wife as God’s gift to him even though she is not perfect. No one is perfect yet, we are all a work in progress in the hand of our maker. See her in a positive light even if there are things you do not like. Let her know that you love her unconditionally and that you will never leave her no matter what happens. As frequently as you do this, you will see a glow of confidence that will spread all over her. Remember, her happiness is your joy.
2. Spend time with her: No matter how busy you are, you can and should always make out time for those you love, especially your wife and children. So, don’t use up all of your time and energy at work; reserve some for your wife. Create time to talk to her and enjoy her company. Let her into your world; don’t build a wall around it. Discuss all areas of your life with her without holding anything back. “and how I kept back nothing that was profitable unto you, but have shewed you, and have taught you publicly, and from house to house,”
Acts 20:20 KJV.
Let her know all about your friends, work, interests, dreams, everyday activities, etc. She is your better half, so share every part of your life with her.
3. Listen To Her: You have to also listen to her. Women tend to process their thoughts and feelings by expressing them. Therefore, be patient with her. Spend time to listen to her and to know how she feels. Be a good listener. When she speaks, give her your undivided attention and take what she says seriously. That you are the head of the home does not mean that your wife’s opinion shouldn’t count. If you’re going to understand your wife, then you have to actively listen to her. Let her know that her opinions and views on issues are necessary and important.
God told Abraham to listen to Sarah’s opinion:
“And the thing was very grievous in Abraham’s sight because of his son. And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.”
Genesis 21:11-12 KJV
If you don’t listen to her or appreciate her opinion, it devalues her worth as a person and her identity suffers. Without realising it. You’re sending your wife a clear signal says, “I don’t need you. I can live my life without you “. And this could stir your marriage into dangerous waters.
4. Make her feel loved and physically affectionate towards her. Love and be generous to her. Acts of care and kindness would mean a lot to her. The Scripture admonishes that we should be kind and affectionate to one another: “and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:32 KJV.
Such caring and kind acts would include but not limited to doing the domestic chores together even without asking; taking care of the children, buying or preparing her favourite food, even if it’s not what you like; remembering special dates and anniversaries without being reminded; giving her regular phone calls, telling her you love her, taking her out on a surprise outing; showing appreciation and empathy. Let her also know that you’re fond of her, that you always want to be with her. This is also part of making her feel loved.
* I would like to point out here that, your wife is your help meet according to the word of God: “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
Genesis 2:18 KJV.
What is the dictionary meaning of the word help?
It’s means to: Assist, support, help out, lend a hand to, lend a helping hand to, give assistance to, come to the aid of, etc.
What I’m trying to say here is that, the original employee in the home is the husband, God is the employer, wife is the helper. The number one duty of the husband is to tend the garden / Home according to the instruction given by the Employer (God) “And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden (Home) to dress it and to keep it.”
Genesis 2:15 KJV
In essence, husbands are not to abdicate their duty post in the home and put all the burden upon the wife whose duty is just to help you bear the burden. Husband and wife should do the housework together, looking after/caring for the children should be done together, entertaining guests should be done together, house chores should be done together, cooking for the family should be done together. When things are done this way, it can only lead to blessing, peace, harmony and long life for both husband and wife. That was the practice of father Abraham, as we love to claim Abraham’s blessings, we should also claim his example and lifestyle:
“let a little water, I pray you, be fetched, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree: and I will fetch a morsel of bread, and comfort ye your hearts; after that ye shall pass on: for therefore are ye come to your servant. And they said, So do, as thou hast said. And Abraham hastened into the tent unto Sarah, and said, Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal, knead it, and make cakes upon the hearth. And Abraham ran unto the herd, and fetched a calf tender and good, and gave it unto a young man; and he hasted to dress it. And he took butter, and milk, and the calf which he had dressed, and set it before them; and he stood by them under the tree, and they did eat. And they said unto him, Where is Sarah thy wife? And he said, Behold, in the tent. And he said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and, lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son. And Sarah heard it in the tent door, which was behind him.”
Genesis 18:4-10 KJV
This generation must not suffer the same predicament of the older generation where many husbands abdicated their duty post, leaving their wives to suffer, as a result. Husbands and wives in many homes are enduring each other, which has led to many broken homes, depression and early grave.
A writer explains the fondness a man should have for his wife this way: “Go for her. Search her out in the kitchen, in the garden, in the backyard, wherever she may be”. In other words, chase her in love again, like it used to be in the early days of your marriage. Women like to be chased by their lovers.
5. Learn to apologise to her when you’re on the wrong side or when you realise you’ve done or said something that hurt her. One of the hallmarks of an ideal husband is the humility to say you’re sorry when you’ve hurt your wife. When and if there’s a need to correct her when she does something wrong, it should be done in love. When you relate with her this way, you’ll boost her confidence in you, her submission to you will be automatic and total.
I apologise for the lateness in this column.
May God bless you in JESUS Mighty Name Amen 🙏 ❤️
Be Rapture Ready
Mrs Angelinah Olubunmi Peters
My LORD JESUS Is Alive In me