Hey lovelies! You guys know I’ve been having a hard time at work these last couple weeks (check out “Flooding in the Consulting Room” for context) and I have been forced to come up with newer coping mechanisms, because it’s dog eat dog out here at times.
Let’s take a jog down memory lane – My first proper experience of people not liking me for no apparent reason came up around 2015, yup I had lived for over 20 years thinking if you’re nice to people they’ll be nice to you, oh how sharp a shock it was to find out this doesn’t apply to everyone – in fact someone can intensely dislike you based solely on hearsay. So that shock awakening did a number on me, I had really negative experiences including waking up screaming and crying because my nightmares were that vivid, but I got through it by the grace of God and honestly thought I was over it, like I no longer expect good energy from people, it’s more like I give out my good and if it comes back, great, if not, also great.
Alas, there’s levels to this negativity thing and some people actually thrive off your tears & discomfort – yes that’s a real thing. So after I consoled myself from the last breakdown, I did a review of what went wrong, that allowed my defenses to weaken to the extent that I couldn’t hold it together – I was super, super tired, it was my 50th hour at work (I had to run a busy clinic straight after a 48hr shift) so naturally my emotions were all over the place – thus my normally strong wall was shattered, and my defenses practically non-existent. So of course, any stray bullet that came my way was bound to get at me lol.
Now, whenever I’m faced with abuse from this same person, I am totally unfazed. I know what eggs them on so I avoid it – I show no signs of weakness, no jitteriness, nothing. Once the response they were looking for is no longer available, the zeal to continue abusing me wanes. Is it nice that I’m constantly at risk of verbal abuse? No. But as it’s something that I have to go through, I might as well learn new coping mechanisms – that’s me making the most of this experience.
You should try it!
Till next time,
Dr. ETP xo