The most recent craze to hit Nigeria in the form of literature is Toke Makinwa’s hot bestseller, “On Becoming Toke Makinwa”, and as I’m currently on holiday (I really love saying those words, I’m on holiday) I decided to have a read and see what all the commotion was about for myself.
Indeed, the fuss surrounding the book was certainly worth it and more, as I managed to learn quite a lot from her must tell, and I mean much more than the surface lessons that were about marriage, I learnt stuff that’s more to do with how to handle a situation that is beyond my control. I saw myself in Toke when she wrote about how she felt about herself when the news about her husband’s infidelity broke; not because I’ve been through exactly what she had, but because I know what it feels like to have so many people share their unsolicited, negative opinions on a perception of you – I say perception because such people never actually know what’s really going on, they just hear a side and begin to roll out their judgements. Like her, I took to silence but the pain was sometimes unbearable and I’d find myself crying without reason or screaming in the middle of the night.
It was a very, very dark period for me.
Reading Toke’s book was like reliving the whole process again but this time from an outsiders perspective, I got to see myself from a different point of view and I was finally able to understand why I did some of what I did during that period. Grief can sometimes be healthy as it helps you understand pain, but other times it is a deadly weapon that can leave you gaping and vulnerable. If you give grief an inch beyond it’s boundaries believe me it will take no prisoners when taking over your life.
As a former victim I can tell you that it’s no easy task getting rid of grief especially when the causative factor is still very present in your life and there’s not much you can do about it. BUT it doesn’t mean you have to stay down. You can mentally decide to see your situation from an outside perspective – from God’s view. It’s what picked me up, what picked Toke up and so it can certainly pick you up too. Knowing that God is there everyday, wiping your silent tears, helping you fall asleep, giving you strength to face yet another day with its battles – is more than enough.
Don’t give up on yourself – He certainly won’t.
ETP Reviews: On Becoming Toke Makinwa
