Should I die or should I live, I look back at where I am coming from and I ask myself – is it worth it? Many times I have tried to make sense out of it, but nothing seems to make sense. On many occasions have I dangled back and forth swinging from left to right on the pendulum of confusion, thinking: what, where, who, why, when or how to do.
My ambition most times seems to get a better part of my sense of judgement. Most times, I am consoled with the ideology of the fact that it will all soon end when I die but I guess that’s what fuels my frustration and desperation.
The paranoia of unaccomplishment and no success, locks around my subconsciousness like a spider sticks to its web. But recently, I had the chance to reminisce on my very hollow and shallow life, and I found out that on different occasions, my fear has made me shed a tear or two. In a world where rejection and damnation is inherent and imminent, fear would naturally be your next best pal, the thought of suicide becomes sweeter than honey. Frustration makes you yell out in desperation and desperation makes you act out of frustration.
But we forget that every human life is like an hour glass that will run out of time no matter how sprout. Make hay while the sun shines is what they say, but the question is, how many people know hay when they see it? This can be related to the case of a sighted man living blind, purpose is like opportunity, once lost or damaged, it may never be recovered. Look beyond the cars, the houses and money, because they are only results to an examination called purpose. Just like school, the exam is what determines the result, bad exams equals bad results just as good exams equals good results. Like every exam there must be an examiner or supervisor and the examiner in this case is God, who I believe sits high up rallying a daily tally of our dealings which in turn gives us the results we deserve.