Quite frankly, I think everyone has some degree of toxicity in them. Of course some have more than others on some scales, but let’s face the facts – what you define as normal may be read as toxic in another person’s books.
Like how a last born girl in a family with 3 elder brothers that grew up watching her brothers taunt each other all the time; goes off to boarding school and does what she’s always seen to a girl in her class – that’s the only child of her parents. She’s easily going to come across as a bully or at least a really mean person to the only child, whereas teasing is “normal” to her. But just like that – she’s toxic. And if she’s never addressed about it, she continues to play that role in many people’s lives, some people may straight up hate her for the rest of their lives because in their personal history, she played a negative role.
Just like that.
Let’s bring it home, sometimes our toxicity simply emanates from our coping mechanisms. Maybe you protected your heart whilst growing up, you took the “No boyfriends!!” rule very seriously and never allowed one person to come close and suddenly you’re “ripe for marriage” but whenever anyone tries to get close to you, your coping mechanisms shuts them out, sometimes even subconsciously. You’re left wondering why no one sticks around but you don’t realize you often delay replying your messages, decline invitations frequently and you don’t tell the other person anything meaningful about yourself. You’re in a state of constant guarding but you’re also inadvertently blocking out anyone from actually knowing you…so you stay safe, as you’ve always done…but also alone.
And you leave behind a trail of broken hearts who never ever got a chance to know you and possibly blame themselves thinking you think them unworthy of your trust whereas all you were doing was being…safe.
So I ask again…are you toxic?
Till next time,
Dr. ETP xo