Who’s back again?Its olu maintain,
Who’s back again?
It’s olu yahooze,
Not really sure but I think that’s how the song goes, it was a jam back then in naija. Hello and welcome to another episode of For Butterflies, I’m Gloria and you guessed correctly, this is Monday. Last week was my apology for taking a leave of absence without notifying appropriate authorities and by that I mean you guys that read this feature, you guys are dear to my heart and I do not take it for granted.
So I thought not every time deep stuff, sometime be light hearted and sturvs( I like it spelt that way, shut up) just because I can, I should also in fairness warn you that it’s going to be absolutely mushy and emotional, lol roll your eyes, I know what you’re thinking, when have I been anything but mushy and emotional, so wait for it… I’m writing to my next bae! Groan all you want, I’m still writing it, bae will like it if you don’t:
Dear next bae,
It’s Gloria on the line, you know, the babe you’ve been eyeing from afar lol, here’s the 411 on 10 things you need to know before attempting your move.
1. I love Jesus; he’s my friend.
2. I’m cool, calm and collected; if you ask all my friends they’ll tell you that isn’t true, that I’m in fact more annoying than cool and more impetuous than calm, the only part they’re still likely to vouch for is the ‘collected’ part but they’re lying (at least, I think they are), don’t believe them haters, you know what Taylor Swift says about them.
3. I’m a very serious person; don’t listen to those people o, I’m seriously serious I swear, I may not look it or sound like it but I really am, you have to believe me.
4. I’m always hungry; like always, if you see me in a mood, 60% of the time it’s not because I’m sad, it’s more likely because I have not exercised my jaw in a while. I think it’s because my residual energy storage capacity is low or some scientific lie like that, don’t worry I don’t look it.
5. I talk…a lot; yeah I know it’s bad, it’s not the first thing you’ll notice, as a matter of fact you have to have to have known me for a while to notice it, I could be quiet as a mouse but once I lay my hands (or mouth) on something to talk about, I become a parrot.
6. I’m a zero to 150 person; honestly I don’t have a middle, I blow hot one minute and then cold the next, so when I’m quiet, I’m not really trying to give you attitude, it just comes naturally and when I’m being noisy, just manage or leave the place if the embarrassment is too much for you lol. If you leave I shall still raise hell sha so just stay put. Same thing goes with work, I either put in my best or do nothing, even fun too, this minute, I’m eating popcorn and watching beauty and the beast and the next I’m all geared up for this party I only just heard about few minutes ago.
7. PDA is a big deal for me; that stuff is just not for me, I can be all over you when we’re on our own but once someone else shows, that’s all ooo, shikena, ere pari, oh there’s an idea! When I’m busy embarrassing you in public, just try one PDA stunt, I’ll be meek for the rest of the outing.
8. In my mind, I’m Michael Jackson but I think in real life I’ve the dancing skills of the Terminator; I can do the chicken dance though, don’t worry, I’ll teach you.
9. I speak as much Yoruba as I do English; I dated a boy who thought I’d never spoken a Yoruba word in my entire life and I successfully pulled it off, so don’t go thinking my English game is any less strong, I’ve been called a walking dictionary among few other things, I love Yoruba and I speak it darn well, if you can’t deal, then no show, besides Yoruba proverbs and similes are way cooler than when they’re interpreted in English .e.g. “ko le fi idi igo ko o” and it just sounds good compared with “he can’t write an O with the end of a bottle” – meaning he’s illiterate.
10. Do not eat my meat; anytime this comes out of mouth, my friends just look at me and go ‘that just sounds so wrong’, but really, don’t, seriously don’t eat it.